1967 Ethel Magee: Part 1

“Just because your mother’s crazy doesn’t mean she’s not right.”

~ My therapist, 2011

In fact, the certifiably unstable among us — more often than not — have sonar for the hidden motives and unspoken agendas of others. The pathological criminals among us are particularly good at using their intuition to manipulate others to their own ends. Those are givens in my world and I’ve developed a pretty reliable instinct myself for identifying the nature of that beast when it passes through, though those beasts don’t stay very long anymore.

I can make the case that my mother’s ruthlessly and perpetually searching “radar,” the heat-seeking missile that puts the fragilities of others squarely in her crosshairs, also fueled the flames of her own self-loathing, her own insanity, exponentially. There was no “off” switch when Mother’s brittle defenses were bombarded. Hers was a perpetual state of TMI (“Too Much Information”). And it was not selective information either; it was as if she were inhaling toxic fumes 24/7 and the lethal particles could not be filtered out.

Buddhist’s axiom:

“All judgment is self-judgment.”

Sentient souls preoccupied with obliterating the frail facades of others are, by definition, gnawing their own limbs off. They are the antithesis of the dissembling agendas…