Mike's version of that is a tall black man who's become programmed to try to put people at ease when he walks in a room. He was born here and grew up in Jersey so he's not self conscious so much as he is aware that some people, not so woke or accustomed to being around big black guys, need to be "cared for" when their deeper strain of racism reveals itself. Sometimes that is a problem with us because I have no patience with or need to take care of strangers' emotional failures.

Having said that, I am a small, middle aged white gal who's used to people, especially men young and old, trying to act like I'm not there, which is never a good way to go with me. Mike and I have this joke--but not really a joke--that when his presence is too triggering, I step in and threaten to go all "redneck Karen" on their asses and boy, that scares men especially way more than the black guy.

And there you have a useful bias these guys have about middle aged white women: that we are all the dreaded "Karen." A cliche I will only use when my big black boyfriend can't lean in without getting cops involved. Their bias about me is far less likely to turn deadly cause white women can do any manner of crazy shit and get a pass. But I only go there when it is absolutely necessary cause I don't like the crazy privileged white shit either.