Really moving. My mother didn’t really rise to the level of a “hoarder” by definition, but she definitely had an issue with “stuff.” But I think her bigger issue was — more like a gambler — an issue with compulsive spending. Her mind was in constant progressive disarray and that was how she self-medicated.

I also responded to that after leaving her house by developing a highly organized mind and keeping a minimally decorated and ordered home. If I can’t use it or it ceases to resonate with me at some deeper level, it’s gone.

We were estranged when she died, and if I can share anything about that it’s that it is not your fault. Your mother was mentally ill and short of seeking out the help she needed — which she clearly had the resources to do and chose not to — nothing would have changed. She was accountable and like my mother, it sounds like — much as she might have wanted to have you around — at her core she knew this was hers to deal with.

And if the situation caused you so much psychic pain to be around — as it did me and my mother was not passive, she could be vicious — it was self care to stay away. Your mother knew she was spiraling down, there really was nothing served — and she knew this as well — with taking you into the darkness with her.

Be kind to yourself, she would have want you to do that.

Best