well, your path is your own but i will caution you a little bit about that notion of “nice” people who are also racist: that doesn’t exist. no such thing as “benign” racism. i wrote a whole article on the notion of “benign” racism being harmless when it fact it is the most malignant, bec when white people don’t understand why they do — esp men — they project it in some troubling ways. ways that have culminated in donald trump.

when i was younger i tried to parse it bec i tried to hold onto my family in some way that i could deal with, but the reality is that what any human is prepared to do to another human for whatever rationalizations they gin up about it, they are also prepared to do to you. they will just come up with another set of excuses.